Jakob was not a smart man. He was not fast, not cunning, not even strong. He often found himself in fights, and lost every single one. He was not a pretty man, either; a perpetually broken nose permanently out of shape, muddy eyes shaded by patchy, neglected hair. You would think a person of this grotesque combination would have a personality to shape him into some sort of acceptable human, but no. He was a mean person. He was rude, belligerent, arrogant, and misogynistic. Jakob had found himself in bad company, and proved too lazy and too ignorant to do anything to leave it. Instead, he followed the flow and stole from passersby with the other bandits too lazy to work an honest job.
That’s when the lot of them ran into a single ranger. A woman of moderate height and thick build. She looked chubby under a cloak too heavy for her, buckled down with a load unseen in the ruffles of her clothing. It didn’t matter. How could a single woman take on the whole bunch of them? Whatever goods her body possessed would soon be theirs.
But as previously mentioned, Jakob was not a smart man, just like the rest of the group. They did not bother to look for a weapon, for how could a woman wield it? They did not bother to think of her as someone who could hold her own, for how could she fight? They did not bother to think that the bulkiness of her appearance was a well-stocked inventory of hidden weapons, and not just a stocky build, for why would a woman have so many sharp objects on her? That’s why, as Jakob was flipped over backwards by the hair on his knuckles alone, over this woman’s shoulder, did a time-stopping thought occur to him. He thought this thought as he saw the sky and the ground switch places, as he saw impending doom of another broken nose arise in front of him.
“I am not a smart man.” Jakob thought, as his face collided with the dirt. The crunch of his nose breaking, yet again, filled his ears, along with the sound of teeth vacating his mouth. His face was not the only thing broken, as his left arm awkwardly laid across his back… somehow. In his last moments of consciousness, he watched this woman walk casually over to him. This woman had single-handedly taken out every one of the other men, and Jakob couldn’t understand why he hadn’t run. He couldn’t understand why he hadn’t just turned tail and ran to avoid this fight.
He inhaled sharply, painfully, in fear, as this woman crouched down to meet his eye.
“You’re not a smart man, are you?” She asked flatly, retrieving her thrown dagger from someone’s back that lay next to Jakob. Said man just stared at her.
“Who… are you?” He managed. She smiled.
“My name is Lyra of the Wood.” And then she left. Jakob let himself fall into unconsciousness, for of course she was Lyra of the Wood, the famous protector of the forests and villages around here. Of course she wasn’t just a myth, and of course he would have two black eyes from trying to rob her. Because of course, Jakob was not a smart man.
Written by Lyric Goins, Vice President and creator of The Tavern Club comic.
This story is based on the character created for the "How To Roll Up A 3.5 Character" video, also done by Lyric Goins.